No doubt you all are sick of political advertisements by now. While we're not subjected to the television ads up on LeConte, we did recently suffer through a debate by the candidates for the only elected position on LeConte this winter--Prime Minister of Pandering. The Prime Minister of Pandering doesn't actually help with any work at LeConte Lodge, just represents our interests in the Pandering Parliament.
To be honest, the crew is not wild over either choice. On one hand we have Tara Bulliar, who served for many years as President of Prevarication (or so she says). The other candidate is I.M. Bezzle, who served several years in a minimum security facility operated by the government.
Noted journalist Al N. Jest served as the long-suffering moderator of the accursed debate as both candidates piled it on thick--making pie-in-the-sky promises to the LeConte crew. The foolishness quickly piled up deeper than the January snow on LeConte.
Tara Bulliar started off with an appeal to our stomachs. She said that if elected there would be beef and gravy in every pot. Al N. Jest noted that just such a delightful circumstance already prevailed on LeConte. Not to be outdone, I.M. Bezzle promised biscuits so light you could strap them on your feet at the trailhead and float up the mountain.
Going nowhere fast, moderator Al N. Jest tried to redirect, but not before Tara Bulliar promised that the LeConte spring would issue forth sweet tea if we voted for her. I.M. Bezzle countered that if elected he would make every day "leftover day" for the crew. When Al N. Jest probed that you have to make fresh meals to have a leftover day, I.M. Bezzle was stumped.
The discourse didn't get any better when Tara Bulliar promised to install an escalator up LeConte for her constituents. I.M. Bezzle ramped up the pandering when he promised to establish a free tuition technical school to train squirrels how to clean toilets so LeConte crew members wouldn't have to.
The next question concerned the economy. I.M. Bezzle, never one to be trusted with the petty cash, proposed selling LeConte (not just the lodge but also the mountain) to pay down debt. When informed that lodge business has been excellent and it's not possible to sell the actual mountain, I.M. Bezzle, being the sophisticate that he is, countered, "Well, let's just sell it anyway and buy ice cream."
Tara Bulliar's economic plan didn't prove much more practical. While quick to point out, "I have friends who are llamas," her plan called for the LeConte llamas to be replaced by much stronger dinosaurs. She didn't offer any specifics for sourcing the more economical LeConte pack dinosaurs.